6 Steps To Changing a Habit – Step 1 Start With A Goal

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6 Step Habit Challenge SOLID Start
Notice I didn’t say, “fast start”. That would be easy to do. I could give you an inspiration article and say, “Here you go, GOOD LUCK” and if you fail, well that is your fault. But I don’t believe in luck, I believe in strategy and sticking to it. That is why I call this a solid start. I want to make sure that you are planted on the solid ground ready to go after the 6 Steps and accomplish your goal. You will do that by preparing first and getting off to a right start.

The 6 Step Solid Start is based on my Habit Change Blueprint. There are 6 steps to the Blueprint. They are:
Habit Goals
Your team
Tools
Do’s, Don’ts and Desires
Habit Formula
Trigger Management

There are 5 elements that work together to make a successful habit change.

They are:
1. You know in your heart you need a change
2. Others have confirmed that you need a change and are pressuring you
3. Circumstances have shown you that it is better to change than to stay doing what you are doing
4. Your desire for change is strong and motivated from inside you, not outside
5. There is a new plan, program, tool, something that is novel that speaks to you and says, “This is it! This could work!”

My story
I have always been fascinated with behavior. Perhaps it was because I was busy trying to figure out my own life. We all have our own normal. For me, it was full of anxiety. It was as if I was always on trial. I was in a pass/fail situation every day. I was a phobic child and had to deal with overcoming many different fears. Phobias, IBS, dissociation, chronic worry, OCD were part of my experience. Even as I started the ministry at the age of twenty I was functional but full of anxiety and depression. This created a strong empathy in me for those hurting. It seemed that I was drawn to many people that were suffering much like I was. My own issues and those of the people I was helping drove me to find answers to the complex questions behind emotional difficulties. I have spent a lifetime studying Christian spirituality as well as both undergraduate and graduate classes in psychology. I’ve studied 100’s of books and attending many seminars.
For the last fifteen years, I have been working with people who are suffering from addictions, Anxiety Disorders, OCD, Misophonia, PTSD, fetishes and many different psychological disorders. This led me to create Emotional Resilience, a year-long program teaching about the root causes of anxiety, depression, and addictions. Personally, not only has this program helped many people quit their addictions and obsessive behavior but I overcame many of my own long-term fears and phobias during the process myself.

I have yet to meet people struggling with addiction that did not have childhood trauma or shame and fear-based beliefs like I struggled with. The old saying goes, “We medicate to regulate our emotions!” Emotional Recovery is what I have spent a lifetime learning about. I know this program works because it has worked with me and so many others throughout my ministry.

Habits are at the base of everything we do. During my own journey, I have changed many of my own lifelong habits.
• When I was in my early twenties I started a daily routine of running and lifting weights that lasted 30 years. Due to a lower back issue, I stopped for ten years. However, after working in addictions and studying the principles of habits, that you will find in this study, I was able to start a new daily habit of cardio and strength training program again.
• A friend of my joined weight watchers. I had gained 30 pounds and had a noticeable “belly.” I saw a low carb/low sugar program that I liked and decided to do it. I was able to severely reduce my sugar and carb intake lost the 30 pounds and have kept it off for years.
• After decades of caffeine consumption drinking Mountain Dew (later Diet Dew and Diet Coke), I stopped drinking caffeine altogether.
• After a life-long habit of biting my nails, I was able to stop in one day.

Between helping myself and working with so many with life crippling habits it has given me the confidence to bring this program to you. This is more than an academic exercise, although you are going to learn a lot about the brain, trauma, emotions, and spirituality, it is something that works in real life. It has been taught, learned and tested by hundreds of others in our program.

I Am A Change Agent
In December of 1995 Fast Company magazine came out with their second issue. Right from the start, I loved the magazine. It was an innovative, cutting-edge and was all about the new paradigm shifts that were happening in the business world. The issue had an article about a man who was what they called a “Change Agent.” It was the first time I had heard of the term. When I read the article I had an epiphany. I knew that the article was talking about me. All my life I had been involved in change. I had been used as a catalyst in many corporate visioning’s, ministry start-ups and ministry development. For the last twenty years, I have studied the process of change and how it happens. I have led successful programs on addictions and emotional illness for the last fifteen years. My goal has been to help people BYOCA. (Be Your Own Change Agent!)

Be Your Own Change Agent (BYOCA)
The purpose of this series is to help you become your own change agent. No one can force you to take the principles in this study seriously. That is your own choice. Even God will not force you to do something against your own will. You must be willing to change. It takes faith. Change is scary, difficult and hard, but necessary. We will equip you with the knowledge, tools, and skills needed to make the changes. God will give you the strength, power, and love needed to make the changes, but you must be willing to participate. This program is interactive. You need to read the material and answer all the questions. You may think, “You have to be kidding me, that is a lot of work!” I know but we are not dealing with an easy issue! It has taken time to get to where you are and it will take time to make permanent changes. You must get engaged. There is an old saying in the AA realm that says, “If nothing changes, nothing changes!” and nothing will change if you do not dig in and get involved.

Let’s Get Started! What Is Your Goal?

It is surprising how many people try to stop or start a habit and never stop to think strategically about the goal they are setting before them. Let’s see if we can zero in on what you want to change.

1. Be specific – What is the actual Habit you want to add or take away?

Many times, our goal is too general, for instance, “I want to start healthy habits.” Okay, what does that mean? What habits does that effect? Exercise, eating, sleeping, reducing stress or nutrition? Be specific and write down your goal. Include the important details like, what, when, where and how long.

Example: I want to start walking 30 minutes a day, Mon-Fri before 8:00 a.m.
Example: I want to eat a low-calorie salad for lunch M, W, F.

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

IMPORTANT! You may be thinking, “How many habits should I try to change at once?” I would recommend that you start slow. You want to succeed. You may have five habits that you either want to add or take away. That is great. However, I would start with one or two just to build your confidence. In a few days you can add more. Then in a little while add more. You will be succeeding in all five before you know it. The goal is to enjoy the process and succeed for a long duration, not feel good because you start off with an aggressive program and then struggle to succeed. Get use to the system first then add more.

2. What reasons do you want to drop this habit or start a new one?
This is key. It will help you when the going gets tough. Write down why you want to pursue this goal. What are the rewards you will get from it?

Habit?____________________________________________________________________

Reason?___________________________________________________________________

Habit?____________________________________________________________________

Reason?___________________________________________________________________

Habit?____________________________________________________________________

Reason?___________________________________________________________________
3. Be realistic – How difficult will it be?
Is this your first time? Have you tried before and relapsed? Either way, as you think of this habit you are going to break or new one you are going to add–rate the difficulty on a scale 1-5 (1 = should be a snap, 5 = It will be a very difficult challenge).

Circle the level of difficulty 1…2…3…4…5

4. CONSIDER THIS – Do you need to start with a mini-goal?
A mini-goal can help you get going. Here is my rule of thumb. If you are stopping a habit, jump all in! If you are adding a new habit, consider a mini-goal.

Stopping a habit, jump all in
It is difficult to wean yourself from a habit. If you drag it out over an extended period*, it only continues the habit longer and keeps the craving coming. Your habit may be the exception, but most people are better off going cold turkey.

*If you want to progressively wean yourself, then go into it with a schedule and stick to it. Don’t fool yourself. For example, although I recommend going cold turkey on quitting smoking, some people want to progressively wean themselves from smoking. In that case I would say take your consumption and wean off a little at a time for the first week. Then become more aggressive. Make out a schedule and stick to it.

Adding a new habit consider a mini-goal!
Where a mini-goal really works is when you are adding a new habit.
When I first started running, my goal was to eventually run 3-4 miles a day. However, I started with a ½ mile the first day (after all, how far do you need to run to be a runner?). In my mind the first ½ mile qualified me. So, I began! The first few days, I ran ¼ mile in one direction, rested for a few minutes and then ran back a ¼ mile! I got stronger every day and since that humble beginning, I have logged over 20,000 miles, either running or walking!

What is the goal you want to add? Start off with a small, achievable increments, then increase until you get to your goal.

Here are some of the ways I approached my habits
Running – mini goal and worked up
Lifting weights – mini-goal – light weight, low reps, built my way up.
Quit caffeine – Cold turkey
Quit sugar and carbs- Cold turkey
Quit biting nails – Cold turkey
Daily devotions – Mini-goal, read one chapter of the Bible a day, worked my way up

What is your goal? ____________________________________________________________

What would be a great starting mini-goal? _________________________________________

How long will you give yourself to get up to your goal? _______________________________

5. PreLive it.
PreLive™ is an exercise where we imagine accomplishing the task at hand. We use all our senses. We visualize it, hear it, taste it, feel it, touch it. Whatever senses we can incorporate–we use them to create a vivid and realistic vision of accomplishing the goal.

STOP! Take 3 minutes and visualize yourself accomplishing your goal. See it, feel it.
Feel the excitement and satisfaction of accomplishing it!

Don’t forget your secondary habits!
Consider any secondary habits
Creating a new habit or extinguishing an old one is not an easy task. It just doesn’t happen by itself. It takes planning and preparation.

Now that you know what your goal is–what could get in your way? There are many saboteurs waiting to trip you up. Many come in the form of what I call secondary habits.

Secondary Habits – Most of the time a habit doesn’t sit in isolation. It is surrounded with other habits that work in harmony with it. Consider the case of eating sugary treats. Ask yourself…
When do you eat them?
Where do you eat them?
Who do you eat them with?
What kind do you eat?
What mood are you in when you crave them?
What are you thinking when the craving hits?
What are you believing when you try to resist?

If you look over your answers to the questions above, you will note that some of the answers are predictable and consistent, they are habits! Therefore, it makes sense that if you can change some of these secondary habits, it will help you resist and overcome the habit you are seeking to change or add.

For example…
If you know when you are most likely to go for that sugary treat, plan a substitute treat for that time.
If you know who you meet and eat with, try to get them on your team (See Step 3).
If you know where you eat, you can change the location to somewhere less tempting.
If you know what you are thinking or what kind of mood you are in before you indulge, you can find a better way to overcome those thoughts and feelings.

So, what secondary habits might you need to work on?

Who________________________________________________________________________

What will you do about this? ____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

What _______________________________________________________________________

What will you do about this? ____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

When _______________________________________________________________________

What will you do about this? ____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________
Why ________________________________________________________________________

What will you do about this? ____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

Where _______________________________________________________________________

What will you do about this? ____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

Other ________________________________________________________________________

What will you do about this? ____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

If you need to stop a secondary habit or add a substitute habit–then make sure that you set this up as one of your goals!

PLEASE NOTE: Don’t hurry through this steps! Please take the time to answer each question. It will help you be ready when you start your Habit Challenge.

Next time – Choosing a TEAM to help you!

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